Unfortunate Obsessions: White Bottoms

I'm talking about white bottoms, as in shorts, pants, skirts, jeans. All those things we put on our lower-half limbs. The white has to be solely located on your bottom half. It's the rule around here, okay? There are many unfortunate dilemmas associated with entering the white-pants-world. Not only are there periods of time in our lives when we really shouldn't be wearing white bottoms, there are also times when we just can't control what lands on em' either.

A clear example would be a little story I like to call 'the rotten peach'. An innocent jolly transit taker gets on the bus with a skip in her step. That's all a lie, she really was not. that. happy.

REALITY: She was on the phone and she had been screaming her little face off for 30 minutes. I imagine she was talking to a bad boyfriend, bad friend, bad alien, or her bad dog?

PEACH ENTERS THE SCENE.

While screaming into the phone and searching for a seat, I could see the slight content in her eyes when she spotted an empty seat on the busy bus. As she sat down, her white bottom- like her pants, not her ass- smushed right down onto the rotten peach. How unfortunate, I thought. That would truly suck. She promptly hung up the phone and started cursing at the innocent, rotten peach. Referring to it as a 'stupid piece of shit'. I would have done the exact same thing.

Her Unfortunate Obsession with white bottoms and her unfortunate hate for that rotten peach did not make a very good combination. All in all, we gotta find the humor. That's easy for me to say because I've never sat in a good ol' rotten peach, which in turn has allowed my white bottom obsession to prosper. Hey, I'm not complaining.